Today I feel...

As a teacher, you go through many emotions in the classroom.  On the first day you may feel nervous or excited to meet your new pupils, on the next several weeks you might feel overwhelmed by the pressures of setting up a classroom community and establishing the rules for your classroom.  As you see your students learning, you will feel a sense of accomplishment that you have done your job well.  As the middle of the academic year nears you may be anxious about whether what you have taught your kids will transfer onto their standardized test scores.  

The emotions of a teacher can be characterized by emotions a person feels everyday - just heightened!  Like that magnet on your refridgerator, you may feel smug one day and completely uncertain of yourself another.  You may feel frustrated at your kids during the beginning of the year and in utter adoration of them towards the end.  My story as a teacher will go through my many moods as teacher.  It will explore how my experiences in the classroom are multifaceted and have lead me to sometimes question my decision to pursue teaching as well as the times that have led me to want to do nothing else.  

E's Outbursts

This past quarter I student taught in a 1-2 multiage classroom. From day one, my CT warmed me about E, a student with anger issues. He was labeled "violent"; according to my CT, E had thrown a chair at his teacher when he was in kindergarten. E did not mesh well with substitutes. On one occasion, the substitute sent him to the principals office, and E continued throwing his tantrum there. Several days went by and I did not notice any characteristics of this label. E was an extremely bright student; he participated in class discussions, he raised his hand to answer questions, and he was very polite to me.

A week into my full-time student teaching I finally experienced one of E's episodes. I had 5 minutes of extra time after a math lesson and decided to play a game of Around the World. In this game, one student gets out of her/his seat and stands behind a classmate. These two student students then compete to see who can answer a mulitplication problem (shown on a flashcard) first. The first student who says the answer moves on to the next classmate while the other student sits down. The game began with S, a student who knew all her multiplication facts extremely well, and it took her less than 5 seconds to answer each of the multiplication questions. When she finally got to E, she had already beat out half of the class. S outdid E easily, and that was when E became irate. It began with quiet grunts in his seat. E put his head down and began to cry frustrated tears. As S continued "around the world", E became more and more agitated and his grunts became shouts. "THIS IS NOT FAIR!" he shouts repeatedly. "S SHOULD NOT GET TO PLAY!" I tried to calm him down with little luck. "Well, it wouldn't be fair if we didn't let her play, right? We don't punish students for knowing their multiplication facts, do we? Do you think that would be fair?" I tried to reason with E, but he continued his rant. When lunch came, E went to lunch angry.

When the students returned from lunch, E was still on edge. I did not know what to do, and so I turned to my CT. She talked to him and was able to calm him down. Her advice for me was to understand his perspective and make him know that I'm on his side. At the same time, however, make him see that there is a different way to approach the issue rather than scream and yell. S ended up with the job of flashcard holder the next time we played Around the World.

My CT builds lasting relationships with all her students, who continue to come visit her when they are in 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade. These genuine relationships help build a sense of community in the classroom and a safe environment that maximizes teaching and learning.